Firefly

Emily Anne Clark
July 11, 1995 to September 7, 2011

There is so much to say, and while the desire is there to type, the words just aren't coming. There are too many feelings and they are all raw.

Yesterday we spent the day numb. Oh, we were feeling but we weren't sure. It was almost like we were holding our breath. Well, today our breath was taken while we viewed Emily's body.

How can someone so beautiful, and so full of life, be cold and hard and so not alive?

Our breath was taken but our soul cried out when we saw her laying there. How can that be? Lose your breath and cry out at the same time? Knees buckle . . . eyes shut - tight - but you have to open them again because you know the cold hard truth.

I worry about my friend Beth. How will she be after this? How can she be? Her daughter - her heart is gone. Her life revolved around Emily's life. School, FFA, cheerleading, homecoming, proms . . .

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night, and when my mind remembered, my mind tried to say that it was just a bad dream. I tried to fix reality, like I fix my dreams once I realize I am dreaming, but I can't fix reality like I can my bad dreams.

It was then that I realize that my soul was crying out because I realized in that split second that I doubted God (reality) and now I fear FEAR God. I fear death. I fear leaving this world and entering the next. I fear standing in front of God. I fear! I can't delude myself or be flippant because last night I knew. If this could happen to a 16 year old girl who was this full of life, and this beautiful, and this, she had everything going for her, everything! and now she is gone. Ripped from this world as she was ripped from her car and from this life. Gone from us.

I tell her momma that Emily is happy now. Emmy is fine now and I believe that. I know Emily loved our Savior. She was full of faith. She was a Christian. She is with our Lord. She is holding his hand. I know this. I can see her hand in His.

Emily's favorite verse: Philippians 4:13

But we miss her AND we thank God for the 16 years we were graced with Emily's presence. Emmy had such beautiful light bright blue eyes and she was so full of gentleness and happiness and grace. Firefly is what keeps popping into my mind. She was like a firefly dancing through our world for a short short while.

A few hours after the viewing, after tears, and tears, and more tears, there has been some laughter here and there. I think we are breathing again now that we know Emily is really gone. We are among the few lucky ones because we know that she is in a better place. We have that assurance. We are lucky.