why

Why won't my children accept God? Why don't they love Jesus?

Last night I kept waking up because I felt the heaviness of Beth's grief. I kept waking up sobbing. To have lost your daughter. It's a nightmare. Of course, my thoughts kept running to what would I do if . . . I don't think I could live.

Beth, at least, knows that Emily was a Christian. She loved God. She knew her Savior.

My children just laugh at me. They can't know how much pain that brings me. Guilt, anguish . . . I can't even come up with words to describe the pain I feel knowing that I failed them. Knowing that I can't save them. The only person that can save them is Jesus. All they have to do is ask Him into their lives. The Holy Spirit will lead them but I'm afraid they won't ask.

I have to have faith. On the way home tonight the preacher said that God does answer prayers and if He doesn't want to give you exactly what you asked for He will always give you something more but you have to have faith. You have to trust that God is God and will do what He says. So, I will continue to pray and I will continue to believe.

If God loves my children (His children) half as much as I love them, then it hurts him so much more, their disbelief and mocking.