Driving home I was praying. 99.9% of the time I don't pray out loud. Tonight, I had a stray thought come across my mind that said I needed to pray out loud. After all, I was in my car all alone. If someone looked over at me they would think I was talking on the phone so I was golden to talk all I wanted.
The only reason I'm writing about this is because after I prayed for various people, and after I said my sins out loud. (I'm talking about the ones I don't say out loud, that normally I don't even continue to think all the way though completion, they bother me so much, but I said them out loud.) I have to tell you that those sins kind of lost their grip on me once I said them out loud. You see, I know that my sins are forgiven because Christ died for our sins. Sin can only separate us from our Lord if we allow them to because I guarantee you that God isn't allowing those sins to keep us from Him on His side. Still they kept popping into my head and heart and soul ALL the time. They used to anyway.
Actually, that isn't even what I wanted to write about. After I had the realization about those nasty things in the past my mind went to Joey. Joey, as he was dying, kept saying, "Forgive me". He said it over and over and over and over again. I didn't think to say that your sins are forgiven. All I could think of was that he was a great brother and a great uncle and a wonderful person. I told him all of those things but they didn't sooth him. Finally a voice told Joey that he was forgiven. Joey was instantly calm. I thought to myself why didn't I think of that and then I realized that I was the one that the voice came out of. I saw the way the other lady was looking at me. Her eyes were wide open, wide open. That voice came from the top of my head clear through me. I didn't say it. God had to have been the one to ensure that those words were said.
So driving home I'm remembering Joey and thinking about how he is in heaven. Then my mind went to Bobby and tears sprang into my eyes and I said that he had to be in heaven because he was just a child when he died. 18 and a child. My heart was tearing but I know it is the truth. Then my thoughts went to my Mother and even though she was 33 when she died, she was a child. She never had a chance - never had a chance. She was so caught up in alcoholism and all the other slop that life threw at her. My dad, my dad was old enough to know better and he seemed to have changed so much by the end of his life. We didn't have a discussion about God but my dad had changed. I wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't come to accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior.
Of course all of this started with me praying for my children. I didn't even know how to ask and I'm always clumsy every single time I come to our Lord with the plea to give my children Faith so that they can worship Him and love Him and raise their children loving and worshipping our creator, our savior.
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