conflicted

On one hand I am proud of my son's compassion and on the other hand it scares me. He should keep Wyatt with him - take physical custody of him. Mary should have supervised visits only. I know this for a fact. I know this. Even the lawyer thinks he should do this.

I tried writing down the pro's and con's. There are several cons: she's crazy and unstable. I have never met a person with such severe ups and downs. One second all is wonderful and the next second the world has come to an end. All relationships are severed and will never be mended. It doesn't even have to be a real incident. Some she just makes up in her head. I was there one time when she was saying Michael was hitting her. He was no where near her and she said he was hitting her. I was standing right there. She has told me that her, at the time, 6 year old son was trying to kill her. Recently she told me that Wyatt was trying to kill her.  She has kept Christian home because she and her mother got into an argument. He was home for 2 days at least.  He called me and asked to come to my house. Now she won't let him come to my house.  She is homeless and she can't keep a job. When she gets a bee in her bonnet she can't let it go. Quite literally when something upsets her she can't think of or do anything else. She is so focused on the incident that the world freezes for her. The house could go up in flames all around her and she wouldn't notice. The boys know to be very quiet and to stay in their room. She has taken them on wild car rides and to the emergency room many many times just to get attention.  She rants and she raves.

She can't be in charge of either boy. She can't even take care of herself.

Her own mother has said as much. Actually she said neither one of them should have custody of the boys. But, she was going to kick her own daughter and her children out of her house because she can't handle them. Her own mother has called the department of children services many times.  Her family called the police because they were wanting her to be committed. They asked Michael if she has insurance coverage through his work. 

Now, lets just put Wyatt's welfare to the side for a second and think of what Michael's life will be if she has physical custody of Wyatt.  Right now it is her whim whether or not Wyatt gets to visit his father. To share in joint custody then it means they can parent together and they can't. They can't talk reasonably about anything. If he thinks his life is miserable now, if she has custody, then this will continue.

If Michael has physical custody of Wyatt then Wyatt's life would be stable. The mood swings would not be there at all. He would have a normal healthy life. One where he doesn't have to worry what kind of mood the parent is in. With Mary he has to hide when she is ranting and raving and hide when she is elated because then she is over loving.  He has learned to tune everything out and play by himself.

When I was writing down the pro's and con's I wrote that Mary, when she is in control of herself, could see Wyatt as often as she likes. But, when she is in her manic moods she would have to stay away. Right now Mary does have her sane times. She admits to her manic moods. She knows she has them. She has told me many times that she knows people avoid her because she talks to much but she just can't stop herself.  She knows she acts crazy. She has a good enough heart that she should agree that it is in Wyatt's best interest for Michael to have physical custody. Michael would not keep his child away from his mother. He knows a mother is important. But, Wyatt needs stability and he has the right to grow up with sanity - in a sane environment.  He shouldn't have to worry about being woke up in the middle of the night to a screaming banshee of a mother. Or a mother who is sobbing in his bed. Or ripping him out of bed or out of his room to head to an emergency room over an imagined illness or injury.

Michael needs to realize what his life will be like if Mary is in control. You can't place a person who has no control of themselves over a child. She should be in Wyatt's life but it should be in a controlled environment.

While it will be hard for Michael for awhile, in the long run, it will be worth the trouble. And I'm not even considering Wyatt in that statement. I can't imagine, well,  I know what Wyatt's life will be like if Michael doesn't follow through with all of this. If Michael takes the easy road and lets Mary have physical custody of Wyatt then Wyatt and Michael's life will be pure hell. Michael will eventually tire of it or the state will take Wyatt away and then Michael will have to go through even more lawyers and expense than he will have to handle now.

Michael needs to see this.

He's afraid of taking custody of Wyatt right now. He's afraid of what she'll do. Maybe he's afraid that he will screw up and he'll lose Wyatt. I'm afraid that if she keeps him we'll lose Wyatt. I'm afraid of her hurting him in one of her manic moments.

Michael has to put up the best fight he can.  He has his family to back him up. His sister and I will help him raise Wyatt. Get him to and from daycare and to and from school and all those activities. I know his dad and his wife will help. He's got the foundation to give Wyatt a great life. Mary just doesn't have that.