Notes written while on a plane home from Vegas

Stuff to search about:
I read a verse saying that the ships would be full of things for them to buy but the country would be gone . . . Was that in the bible? Is that america?

I love what char said about thinking of talking, worshipping, God as if we were in heaven with him. Not as if he comes down to be with us. And praying as if I was kneeling in front of him.

I was very moved by the father and son joining hands and praying before they ate. We were at In and Out Burger of all places. We should give thanks before we take anything into our bodies. Plus who knows how our actions affect others. Seeing them reminded me to praise God for their faith, and for the fact that there are good fathers/good and faithful Christians surrounding us and for the fact I can afford and can have my choice of food. So very many blessings!

Now I am listening to my worship music as I fly over a blanket of soft white clouds. I can see the beautiful blue sky off in the distance. I am so very lucky.

While I was enjoying the show LOVE in Vegas I was humbled by the Beatles music and by the genius of the people who put the show together. I didn't realize that the Beatles had written songs that spoke so much of history. The way they put the show together showed from the war (1st or 2nd I don't know) to the peace movement. Their music speaks of a mothers agony of feeding her children, a childs fear of losing his mother, loneliness, joy, fear . . . Spectacular.
It also reminded me how one person can change the world or make a positive impact. Leaving that show I had such feelings of love, happiness, wonder, hope and I felt energized. People are that creative, that talented, they can move their bodies and use them to express emotion . . . A human body can do those things! Someone can write, perform and organize thoughts feelings and ideas. They can put together the money, the venue, find the talent . . . You get the idea.
So what can I do? I can't even express what I'm thinking so that other people can understand what I'm trying to say. Even worse . . . If and when I do form a thought I tend to lose it before I can even fully think it through. Yes, this is in my own head I lose my thoughts.
I can organize my house. I can organize my life. So when my children and grandchildren come over we can sit down to eat. We can offer grace before we eat because we will all be at the table. I can teach that to my grandchildren. I can do that.
I want to go through my house and give away and or throw away what I don't need or use daily.
No more money will go to a casino. Nor will my time or my thoughts.
I will focus on my kids and my sister. They need me right now.
As for Richard . . . I don't know. I like having him so I'm not alone but I don't like his clutter or the fact that he is just using me for a place to live. He doesn't pay his fair share and he isn't my 'better half'. That might be confusing to my grandchildren and it might be keeping me from a real partner.
Then again I'm not sure I want a partner. I want to focus on my relationship with God and not a man. I prayed that those sexual urges would leave me and for the most part they have. Which is a huge weight off of me. They were tormenting me. What little I have now hurts far less than it ever used to.

"I pray to walk in your love every day. My life for you." The song I'm listening to, I PRAY, says that and it is how I feel and how I want to live.