a movie

I just finished watching Adopt A Highway with Ethan Hawke https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8970448/

Just so many emotions come up watching this. I realize just how much like this character I am. So lost. Not sure what the proper responses should be. Everyone else seems to know what to do and how to do it - how to act. How to respond. How alone in the world I have always been. And not. I haven't been alone. I've always had Jesus.

I remember going through the bad things during childhood and a little voice saying that I just need to stay still and get through this and then everything will be okay. I still hear that voice to be honest with you. Don't get me wrong. I know things can go wrong. I just know that 'this' isn't all there is.

I'm 61 and I want to live by the ocean. I want my feet to be in that white sand and feel that blue water. But I don't want to be away from my family. I need those kids like I need air.

Now that I can't drive freely without worrying when the next panic attack will hit my traveling has been curtailed. I wish that I had a partner to travel with. Someone to love God and talk about Him with. Someone to serve with. But then I remember that I'm not alone. Scriptures say that Jesus is preparing a place for us that is beyond what we can imagine. I want to stay faithful. Not just so that I can have that reward but because He has been faithful and that is what He asks us to do.